The Military Night Before Christmas

Hello, Honored Readers, I’m Petty Officer Edmundson, and THIS is “The Veterans’ Voice”!

Well, it’s Sunday, and that means it’s time for “Sunday with the Chaplain”.  Today, the Chaplain has a special gift for all of you.  It’s our rendition of a classic Christmas poem “Twas the Night Before Christmas” by Clement Clarke Moore.  However, we’ve reworked it into a military variant.  We hope you enjoy it.

Twas the Military Night Before Christmas

 

Twas the night before Christmas, and all round the base.

Not a soldier was stirring, save the sentries who paced.

A tank had been draped with holly and bright lights.

It wasn’t a Christmas tree, but it was a festive enough sight.

 

In the barracks, the soldiers were snug in the beds;

while visions of loved ones and family danced in their heads.

And the General’s Wife in her nightie, and the General in boxers and short sleeves;

Were planning where to go on his holiday leave.

 

When out at the main gate, there arose such a clatter

The sentries ran out to see what was the matter

Out to the main road they flew like a flash

Wondering if a raccoon had got into the trash

 

The spotlight shined out on the new fallen snow,

But the fluffy white blanket hid the things that they know.

When what was it on the road they did peep?

A bag full of presents in an old Army jeep.

 

And the elderly driver was so good at driving “stick”

That they could easily tell it was definitely Saint Nick.

He stopped at the gate and showed his ID,

And stated his purpose as the sentries giggled with glee.

 

“I’ve presents for for the Army, the Navy, the Coast Guard;”

“For the Air Force, the Marine Corps, and the National Guard.”

“So, let me pass through, my fine fellows,” he said.

“And you’ll find wonderful presents at the foot of your bed.”

 

The sentries passed him through with a wave;

And to them he fine presents he happily gave.

All round the base, the old jeep practically flew

With a bag full of presents and Saint Nicholas too.

 

He went to the barracks and officer’s country straight through

To the family quarters and the general’s place too.

Each place that he went, he stopped without sound;

And hopped in the windows with a single, nimble bound.

 

He was dressed in fatigues of the most brilliant red.

He had boots on his feet, and a cap on his head.

His big bag or presents bounced on his back with a ruffle;

and he looked like a raw recruit carrying a duffel

 

His eyes sparkled like lights, his dimples looked merry

His cheeks looked quite warm, his nose like a cherry

His thin, little mouth was drawn tight as a bow;

And his thick, bushy beard was white as the snow.

 

A stubby old pipe  was clenched tight in his teeth;

And puffing on it, the smoke rose in rings, like a wreath;

He had a round face, and a little pot belly;

And whenever he laughed, it jiggled like red jelly

 

He said not a thing, but turned right to his work

He distributed his presents, and turned with a jerk.

And when he was done, he listened for a sound,

The out through the window he sprang with a bound

 

He sprang to his jeep, through his bag in the back;

Then took off down the road like he was under attack

And they heard him exclaim as he passed the gate again

“Merry Christmas to all, and God bless our brave Servicemen!”

 

Well, Honored Readers, that is our humble gift to all of you this Christmas.  We hope you enjoy our quaint, little parody of a Christmas classic.  That’s all we have for today.

Have a Merry Christmas, A Happy Hanukkah, a Happy Kwanzaa, and a Happy New Year.

If you have something you would like for me to write up for “Sunday with the Chaplain”, go to the contact page, and send me an email.  Please put “Sunday with the Chaplain” in the subject line.

That’s all for today, Honored Readers.  I’m Petty Officer Edmundson, and THIS has been “The Veterans’ Voice”!

The Television Chaplain

Hello, Honored Readers, I’m Petty Officer Edmundson, and THIS is The Veterans’ Voice.

Friends, it’s Sunday, and that mean’s its time for “Sunday with the Chaplain”.

The purpose of “Sunday with the Chaplain” is to talk about military chaplains.  Chaplains are often the unsung heroes of any military unit.  Chaplains handle the spiritual needs of the service members of their unit.  These men and women do more than just conduct divine services on Sundays.  They also serve as unofficial unit counselors.  Many a soldier has gone to the chaplain to talk about personal problems.  I should know.   When Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, I had recently lost my mother.  I was not exactly able to do my duties because of it.  If it hadn’t been for a Coast Guard Chaplain, I don’t know where I would have ended up.  Thank GOD for that Chaplain.  I never got his name, but I am glad I had the presence of mind to talk to him about my personal issues.

As this is the first entry for “Sunday with the Chaplain”, I figured I’d talk about the one chaplain that practically everyone has heard of.  The best part is…he’s a fictional character.  I’m talking about Father Mulcahy.  The character of Francis John Patrick Mulcahy was created by Richard Hooker, a former Army doctor who served as a M.A.S.H. doctor in the Korean War.  Richard Hooker wrote his famous novel “M*A*S*H” based on his experiences at the 8063rd Mobile Army Surgical Hospital in Korea.  If you think that the zany cast of crazies from the famous television show were severely lacking in military bearing, according to Richard Hooker, real MASH personnel were just as crazy and zany.  If you’ve watched “M*A*S*H” (The TV Show or the Movie), or even read the book, you will likely have heard Captain Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce say that they act crazy because it was really the only way to get through their job without actually GOING CRAZY!  Among the cast of crazies Richard Hooker invented for his book was Father Mulcahy.  Father Mulcahy was the chaplain for the 4077th M.A.S.H.  In the book, he was nicknamed “Dago Red” (my appologies to any Irish readers who might be offended by that, red the book if you don’t believe me).  His nickname came from the fact that he was Irish and he had red hair.  He was the Roman Catholic chaplain, and he actually did MORE than hold divine services for the 4077th.  He handled catholic divine services for all the nearby army units.  In the book he had a protestant chaplain counterpart, called “Shaking Sammy”, but Hawkeye and his buddies essentially made him stay away from the 4077th for writing a letter to a soldier’s family telling them that he was going to be alright (the soldier died!).

Father Mulcahy had an odd knack for indirectly saving soldier’s lives.  Hawkeye and his buddies discovered that when he gave a wounded soldier Last Rites, they somehow managed to save the soldier.  Hawkeye and friends took to calling this “putting in a fix”.  Anytime they doubted if they could save a young man.  Father Mulcahy’s “fixes” didn’t always work, and often wounded soldiers died.  That’s when Father Mulcahy’s help was REALLY needed!  As you can probably imagine, Hawkeye and his fellow doctors HATED LOSING SOLDIERS!  Let’s face it, they were basically getting young men who were practically on death’s door, and they were expected to patch them up as best they could then send them off to the nearest evac hospital to finish the healing process.  The work was ugly, it was just this side of butchery, but they hardly ever had the time to do their surgeries right or “pretty”.  They performed what ultimately came to be called “meatball surgery”…patch them up, send them along, and let evac hospitals neaten them up.  These doctors, just like their real world counterparts (remember “M*A*S*H” was based on Richard Hooker’s experiences), were under constant stress.  When they started to crack, that’s when Father Mulcahy would step in and help them out.  The humble catholic chaplain was a relatively minor character in the novel and the movie.  However, he made a significant impression on the television show.  Portrayed by the late William Christopher, Father Mulcahy was comic relief, a moral compass, and a sounding board for whatever was going on in the 4077th.  Often when one of the hospital’s cast of characters was starting to crack because of the isolation, the stress, or the pain of losing a young soldier, it fell to Father Mulcahy to pull them out of the depths of despair.  One incident that comes to mind, is after they introduced Major Charles Emerson Winchester III, played by David Ogden Stiers.  Major Winchester was a man from a wealthy Boston family.  He hated the 4077th.  Being there pushed him into a depression that was utterly unbearable.  Little did he know that Father Mulcahy noticed this.  He quietly told Radar (the unit’s dependable company clerk) to write a letter to Winchester’s mother.  Major Winchester’s mother sent her son his old tobaggon cap.  It was a bright and colorful piece of head gear.  just holding it brought pleasant childhood memories (and a few tears) to Major Winchester.   Major Winchester was quite shocked, and delighted, when he learned that the company chaplain was responsible for that small act of kindness that made him feel so much better.  And this is just ONE of many instances of Father Mulcahy’s ministries as the chaplain of the 4077th.  In the final episode of “M*A*S*H” (entitled “Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen”), Father Mulcahy suffered bad auditory damage due to being too close to an explosion.  He found he was steadily going deaf.  The series never said what happened to him after that though, if you watch the follow-up series “AfterM*A*S*H”, you will learn that his hearing was restored by Sherman Potter (formerly Colonel Potter).

Father Mulcahy was a fictionalized version of the military chaplain.  He worked tirelessly to help his flock.  Many times, he had to act as an unofficial psychological counselor.  He had to handle spiritual issues.  Of course, he handled the unit’s divine services, though few people attended them because they often tried to forget the hell they were going through in a few minutes of sleep.  True, he was sometimes laughed at, and his camp-mates joked about the fact that he had to remain under a vow of chastity, but no one ever forgot his importance.  He was often the last barricade between the men and women of the 4077th and total insanity.    Not every chaplain has to help a service member stave off insanity.  Sometimes, they need only help their flock avoid despair, depression, fear, and hopelessness.  Sometimes the chaplain is a soldier’s first step toward a resolution to a problem that might be plaguing him or her.

That’s all for “Sunday with the Chaplain”.  Keep reading, Honored Readers.  Every Sunday, the Veterans’ Voice honors Chaplains, Chaplain Corps, and news and issues concerning chaplains.  If you know a chaplain or chaplain corp you would like me to honor, or if you have news or issues concerning chaplains you would like me to write about, then contact me at: mledmundson2377@gmail.com.  Please put “Sunday with the Chaplain” in the subject line.

Stay safe, Honored Readers.  This is Petty Officer Edmundson, and THIS has been The Veterans’ Voice.

God bless Chaplains!